Tuesday, May 10, 2011

a whole new world

Hello world. I've been absent for awhile. I think I'm ready to come back. I feel alive again. My mind is spinning, full of new ideas and hope for the future. I am an intuitive faithful woman. I have respect and gratitude for people who put lots of energy into researching. I am not a thorough researcher. When I have a question, I ask around, do some reading and follow my heart. I know, I know, it sounds a crazy, and I'm a little surprised to be admitting it to all the world (which really translates into about 3 people who already knew). But, I'm working really hard on letting go of my weaknesses and focusing on my strengths. There's no reason to try to be someone I'm not. I have my own offerings. I'm not sure what all of them are, but I know what a lot of them are not. As I grow, the picture is clearing up and my understanding is coming into focus.

I've felt called to change the world for as long as I can remember. I'm certain that some day I will. I'm not sure what my contribution will be or if it will leave any trail back to me. Part of me believes that God knew I needed to feel important when He planted that seed deep within my soul and that my contribution will be as simple as that of a butterfly's wings. The grandness of my actions is unimportant. What is vital is that I live my life with meaning, remembering that I have a purpose and doing all that I can to find it and fulfill it.

This year I turned 29 and will celebrate my 10 year anniversary to the man of my dreams. We have 3 little ones and a mortgage. I drive a van. I thought that I'd have life all figured out by now. Childhood is full of illusions.

My life and efforts are full of shortcomings. I learned about the 1% Principle. Basically, if you concentrate on the right thing, it will help everything. I have decided to focus my efforts on my home-keeping skills. I am a bit of a pack-rat and a hoarder by nature. (There have been far too many times to count that I avoided taking pictures of my sweet children because I didn't want anyone to see what a cluttered mess my house was.) Which is not in line with my desire to live a simple life. Right now I'm focusing on eliminating excess from my life, allowing those possessions that have been owning me and filling me with guilt to move on, to find another mother who can give them the love they deserve. And hopefully blessing some people in the process. I'm winning. I can see my floor most days and I've been able to walk into my garage for weeks. A huge burden is being lifted and I'm so grateful. Every time I look through a box and find something else to move on down the line, I feel such a strange combination of exhilaration and exhaustion. It's still so painful for me, but I guess that's what sacrifice is all about. I'm giving up something I thought I wanted for something I want more. I want my children to grow up in a house of order and love. I'm making room for that. I'm working on establishing healthy habits to help our home run like a well oiled machine, after that we can focus our energy on discovering our life missions and living them. Maslow was a pretty smart guy. I'm building the foundation for not only myself, but my children also. Watch out world, I'm winning and on my way.

7 comments:

Lara said...

I thought by now I'd have it all figured out too. :) Glad to know that there are kindred spirits out there who still struggle with things as small as keeping their home picked up to things as big as changing the world.

Sallyseashell said...

And sometimes writing is another way to purge ourselves of excess, and refresh our emotional lives. You write beautiful and express yourself so genuinely. Thanks for posting this. I can so relate to looking for that role in life and still discovering who we are.

Shannon Lorraine said...

All I can really say is AMEN! And I'm not alone :-P I want to save the world too, but I'm realizing and trying to implement the fact that my home is the world I need to focus on. I too want a house of order, a house of learning, a house of God... you get it. It's not easy, but it feels SO GOOD when I do get it right. Keep up the good work my friend!

Heather said...

Here's what I know: as soon as you have the stage of your life figured out, your life changes to a new stage and you have to start all over. It's a never ending process..which I guess is the point, right? We don't have to be perfect, we just have to try harder each day. It's aaallll good. :)

jomama said...

i love, love, LOVE this post! i too am trying to figure a lot of stuff out. the first part of your post reminded me of one of my all-time favorite quotes: "learn to be who you are, and learn to resign with a good grace all that you are not." i think that's how it goes. it's by henri frederic amiel (sp?) and i think that's what life is about. anyway, you're awesome and such an inspiration to me.

Emily said...

I have faith in you, Kat. Keep up the good work.

divergentramblings said...

I love your post. I'm not sure we ever get to fully understand the world, although I think each year brings new wisdom, and hopefully a better understanding of ourselves and our roles in it. You are already changing the world for the better, but I'm sure you have amazing things in front of you.